I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
