he shaved USA in his pubs
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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