This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
sex in a hospital.. check
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
