he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He better not be in your backpack
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
