we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
