he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
