If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
