I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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