Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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