drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
