My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And then he peed in my hair
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