so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
