Porn is love you can see.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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