Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
