i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I AM VODKA MAN
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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