i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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