She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
