I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
