I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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