I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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