Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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