we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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