come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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