Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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