life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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