so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
