Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
