i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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