So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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