if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
