At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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