2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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