She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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