Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Terrible idea I love it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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