Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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