and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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