this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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