I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
