i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
