and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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