So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
