please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
