I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
