So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
