Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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