Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
