We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just threw up on my dentist
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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