Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
handjob tips. give me some.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
