Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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