bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
