My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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