and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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