i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't turn off my feet"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
