exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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