This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
