at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
