He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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