420 ftw
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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