No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
