Having a random hookup so left but love u
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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