I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
