We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
