So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
