i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
