this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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