She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
