I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
