I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
