I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
