I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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