tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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