I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so let's talk penis.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize