dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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