His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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