remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize