its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
