Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
