"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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