my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
