Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
