You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
