Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
