i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
