I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You were trust falling into bushes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
