I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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