i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
