there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
