dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
